Again, BeKindRewrite’s InspirationMondayVIII had wonderful prompts. I wish I had enough time to write more of them. Wonderful choices, Stephanie!
I USED TO BE SOMEONE ELSE
I’ve had it with your ranting and raving. All you do is attack and chide. You’re just a cheap piece of glass. You call yourself a mirror? Yeah, right! You don’t even know how to reflect. This isn’t how I really look. You’re a fake worth nothing to me. Nothing! Do you hear? I can ignore you. Ignore! I’m fed up with what you have to say. You scold me, tell me my eyes are bloodshot, my face is ravaged by too much crapulence; my skin is sallow and old from my hard life and all that booze. I can brush you off with just one look…eyes facing down. Remember that. Don’t even start with me.
What? Did you just say I can’t live without you? Who are you kidding? You told me the same thing last year when Sue took the kids and left. You said I wouldn’t make it. You said I would fall apart without her. She was nothing but a nagging teetotaler. I don’t miss her soapbox, calling me a drunk, a lush, a souse. I finally have peace without that flapping mouth.
Stop bragging just because you were right about one thing. Bid deal! Yes, it’s true, I miss the kids. I miss them every minute of the day. They mean everything to me. She won’t let me see them, says I have to sober up and stop the guzzling. Who made her God? How dare her! I am going to take her to court. Sue the pants right off her. I miss my son and my daughter. They’re at the age when they need their Dad.
Lose? Did you just say I would lose if I took her to court? You don’t know what you are talking about. Judges know how important both parents are in their kid’s lives. They need a male influence, too, you know. She fills their heads about me, about who I am. If the judge knew he would make a few fast changes. I’d like to see her face after that.
I know, I know, I don’t have a job right now. I can get one. All I need to do is apply. Give me a break. Don’t worry about it. You ride me more than Sue did. They shouldn’t have fired me just because of the two DUI’s? It was none of their business. I did my job and a damn good worker I was, too. I paid my tickets. Besides that, the cop had it in for me. He stopped me the second time for no reason. I should have him fired.
I knew you would have a comment to make about my doctor’s appointment yesterday. I already told you everything. She thinks I have a drinking problem. Come on! She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Liver damage if I don’t stop drinking. She used the word pickled. It’s her brain that isn’t working right. She sits in her high mucky-muck office seeing patients. She doesn’t know what the real world is all about. She should follow me for a few days. She would learn fast what real people deal with. She is a crappy doctor, anyway. I need to look around for another one.
I am so sick of everyone telling me I used to be someone else. I am me, ME, the exact same person I always was. It’s all of them who have turned on me, who have changed.
And YOU, you are the worst. Every stinkin’ day you mock me. I get up in the morning and when I look at you all I see is that glaring counterfeit image. It’s not the real me I see. You don’t even know how to do your job anymore. You have turned on me, too. You’re so full of yourself, all that shine and gloss. I’m not good enough for you, am I? You used to be my friend. You aren’t anymore. I’ll fix you right now! What do you think of this?
My hand, what did I do – what have I done? I broke and shattered you, my friend…my only friend.
OH MAN, I COULDN’T STOP READING! DO YOU ALWAYS WRITE WITH SUCH INTENSITY? I WAS TOTALLY MESMERIZED! AND THAT IS SAYING A LOT, SINCE I DON’T NORMALLY LIKE “INTERNALIZED” DIALOGUE!
AND THAT ENDING, ONE WORD…WOW!
VERY VERY GOOD JOB!
MARANTHA JENELLE
Thank you Marantha. Glad you enjoyed it. I started out with a whole different story, same guy, and then he ended up going here!
I am hoping I don’t always write wth intensity. My writings are often quite dark. Not sure why. It just comes out. Where is that couch I need to lay on. HA!
Have a nice weekend!
Mine all seem to be dark too! I’m glad I’m not the only one! :O 🙂
Great job! Basically, I echo every word Marantha said. 🙂
Thank you for visiting and always commenting.
I am looking forward to reading more from you….you are wise beyond your years! At your age I believe I was out having a bit too much fun!
hahaha my parents wouldn’t be too happy.
A great piece of writing.
I loved this internal dialogue – this guy was doing a great job convincing himself he was right and the rest of the world was against him.
I thought the idea of him not recognising the person he saw in the mirror was a tremendous way of approaching this prompt.I especially liked the line “Call yourself a mirror …. you don’t even know how to reflect. This isn’t how I really look.”
Well done.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Believe it or not, I didn’t’ even know this was called internal dialogue until another comment mentioned that (shame on me – Ha). I better take a class fast!
And aren’t there so many of us who try to convince ourselves we are right and the world is wrong in so many situations…depending on what we are dealing with at the time!
Such a creative, unexpected take on this prompt. I love this. Intensity! Just like Marantha said. I can see this as a play, one actor, alone on stage. And the curtain when it ends. Powerful and tragic.
Thank you! A one actor play would be interesting…and also quite sad at the same time.
There are so many things we all do to ourselves, just in different ways. His way of dealing was the bottle. I think mine is eating! 😦
His sadness is quite pathetic at the end, isn’t it!
What a great take on the prompt! You held my attention thoroughly. Very well done.
Thank you Patti. I was wondering what was going to happen to him as we went along. I started out thinking he was going to head to rehab but he was not at all ready, so he had to deal with that mirror instead!
Have a nice weekend.
There is nothing to say because everyone has said it already. Amazing take on the prompt. The internal dialogue is pitch perfect and echoes denial so well. Truly a wonderful piece and as someone else suggested, I can see this as a one-act play. And you were nervous about your writing Char, you are one helluva writer!
I had fun working on this prompt. And, yes, yes, talk about denial. Haven’t we all known someone who is in such strong denial. Hard to watch them work their way through it, too, isn’t it!
You always encourage me with my writing. You have no idea how much I appreciat it!
Have a wonderful weekend and hope things worked out well with your mom.
Wonderful. Good for the mirror!
Thank you, Sandy. That mirror was truthful no matter what. Hmmm, maybe that is why I don’t care to look into my 15X mirror. LOL.
I am home for a couple of hours mid-day today then off to work for a while tonight. Tomorrow it is a 4:45 A.M. wake up call then off to MA. for a convention this weekend. Think I will be in denial about getting up that early!
Have a nice weekend!
This is so brilliant. On so many levels.
That is so kind of you to say, Stephanie. Thank you.
I hope you get to rest a bit this weekend and take a break from that ‘mysterious project’ you are working on.
Enjoy your warm weather. Ours is coming…sooooon.
Possible film short script based on Char Bisson’s “I USED TO BE SOMEONE ELSE”
[CHAR…I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF ADDING SOME OF THE WORDS TO FIT THE SCRIPT. I SINCERELY HOPE THAT YOU WON’T MIND! THIS IS JUST SORT OF A “WHAT IF” EXERCISE, BASED ON SOMETHING SAID BY KAY CAMDEN, ONE OF THE OTHER COMMENTORS, THAT SET MY SOMEWHAT WEIRD, WONKY, DEFINITELY WORDY LITTLE BRAIN TO WHIRLING, NOT AN ATTEMPT TO REWRITE YOUR VERY WONDERFUL STORY. MARANTHA JENELLE]
SCENE OPENS ON HEAVY SET MAN IN RUMPLED T-SHIRT AND SLACKS STANDING GAZING OUT A WINDOW IN WHAT IS PLAINLY A DIMLY LIT RESTROOM.
THE WALLS ARE COVERED IN PLASTER PATCHES AND ARE HEAVILY STAINED WITH MOLD, SHOWING THAT THE PLACE HE IS IN IS IN BAD REPAIR, SLUM-LIKE.
A SINGLE BARE LIGHT BULB DANGLES ON A CORD FROM THE LOW CEILING.
WEIRD SHADOWS ARE CAST ON THE FADED, DINGY WALLS AS THE NEON SIGN OUTSIDE THE WINDOW FLASHES IN LURID REDS, YELLOWS AND BLUES, OUTLINING HIS FORM IN AN EERIE SLIGHTLY SICK PARODY OF A RAINBOW EACH TIME THEY FLASH.
HIS VOICE IS HEARD, ROUGH, SLURRED, ALL TOO PLAINLY DRUNK…
“You know, I’ve had it with your ranting and raving. All you ever do is attack and chide.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM TURN FROM THE WINDOW AND WALK OVER TO GLARE INTO A BATHROOM MIRROR.
SCENE SHOWS HIM PLACE BOTH HANDS ON THE SIDES OF THE MIRROR AS HE LEANS FORWARD, HIS REFLECTION CLEARLY SHOWING THAT HE HAS BEEN THE SLAVE OF ALCOHOL FOR QUITE SOME TIME AS HE CONTINUES SPEAKING, HIS VOICE BITTER WITH GROWING RAGE…
“You’re just a cheap piece of glass. You call yourself a mirror?”
SCENE SHOWS HIS FACE AS IT TAKES ON A LOOK OF SNEERING CONTEMPT…HIS VOICE IS THICK WITH SARCASM AS HE CONTINUES SPEAKING…
“Yeah, right! You don’t even know how to reflect![CHANGED PERIOD TO EXCLAMATION POINT FOR EMPHASIS AND WEIGHT.]”
SCENE SHOWS HIM APPEARING TO TRY TO SHAKE THE MIRROR, HIS KNUCKLES WHITE, CLEARLY SHOWING THE STRENGTH OF HIS GRIP AS HE CONTINUES SPEAKING, HIS VOICE RISING IN GROWING ANGER AND DENIAL…
“This isn’t how I really look![CHANGED PERIOD TO EXCLAMATION POINT FOR EMPHASIS AND WEIGHT.]”
SCENE SHOWS HIM SUDDENLY SHOVE AWAY FROM THE MIRROR AND STAND THERE, STARING INTO IT, HIS HANDS FISTED AT HIS SIDES, HIS WORDS NOW SPOKEN IN A HARSH TONE OF ANGRY CONTEMPT…
“You’re a fake…worth nothing to me…NOTHING, DO YOU HEAR!!! [ADDED ELLIPSES FOR DRAMA AND EMOTIONAL IMPACT AND WEIGHT…COMBINED THE “NOTHING” AND “DO YOU HEAR”, AGAIN TO GIVE EMOTIONAL WEIGHT AND IMPACT…LAST IN ALL CAPS TO SHOW THAT IT IS SHOUTED]”
SCENE SHOWS HIM WHIRL AND BEGIN TO PACE IN THE TINY SPACE, HIS HANDS STILL CLENCHED, HIS MOVEMENTS JERKY, AS IF HE IS TOO ENRAGED TO STAY STILL.
SCENE SHOWS HIM PAUSE IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR AGAIN AS HE GRIPS THE SIDES OF THE SINK AND LEANS INTO THE MIRROR A LITTLE, HIS FACE TWISTED IN ANGER, HIS VOICE IS TIGHT IN AN ATTEMPT TO SOUND UNCONCERNED AS HE CONTINUES SPEAKING…
“I can ignore you, you know…ignore the lies you tell me! I’m fed up with what you have to say. You scold me, tell me my eyes are bloodshot, my face is ravaged by too much crapulence, my skin is sallow and old from my hard life and all that booze.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM RELEASE HIS HOLD ON THE SINK AND REACH ONTO THE BACK OF THE COMMODE TO PICK UP A BOTTLE OF CHEAP ALCOHOL AND A FILTHY GLASS.
SCENE SHOWS HIM POUR THE GLASS ABOUT HALF FULL, THEN TURN TO FACE THE MIRROR AGAIN.
SCENE SHOWS HIS FACE TO BE NOW NEARLY TOTALLY DEVOID OF EMOTION AS HE LEANS BACK AGAINST THE WALL DIRECTLY OPPOSITE THE MIRROR, ONE ARM CROSSED OVER HIS CHEST WHILE LOOKING DOWN INTO HIS DRINK AS HE SWIRLS IT AND SPEAKS IN A TONE OF ASSUMED CALM AND REASON…
“I don’t have to listen to you, you know. I can brush you off with just one look…eyes facing down.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM PUSH AWAY FROM THE WALL TO ONCE MORE GRIP THE SIDES OF THE SINK, THE HAND HOLDING THE GLASS SHAKING A LITTLE BIT AS HIS VOICE ONCE MORE SHOWS THE EMOTIONAL MAELSTROM THAT IS ALL TOO PLAINLY RUNNING THROUGH HIM…
“You just remember that![CHANGED PERIOD TO EXCLAMATION POINT FOR EMPHASIS AND WEIGHT.] So don’t EVEN[ALL CAPS TO SHOW THAT THIS WORD IS STRESSED AND EMPHASIZED.] start with me![CHANGED PERIOD TO EXCLAMATION POINT FOR EMPHASIS AND WEIGHT.]”
SCENE SHOWS HIM TOSS BACK THE DRINK THEN POUR ANOTHER ONE.
SCENE SHOWS HIM JERK HIS GAZE BACK TO THE MIRROR, HIS EYES NARROWING IN ANGER AS HE SPEAKS IN A VOICE THAT IS VERY NEARLY A SHOUT ON THE FIRST WORD…
“WHAT?!?[ALL CAPS TO SHOW THAT THIS WORD IS STRESSED AND EMPHASIZED. EXCLAMATION POINT AND EXTRA QUESTION MARK ADDED TO SHOW INCREDULOUS DOUBT OF WHAT HE IMAGINES THE MIRROR TO HAVE STATED.] Did you just say I can’t live without you? Who are you kidding? You told me the same thing last year when Sue took the kids and left. You said I wouldn’t make it. You said I would fall apart without her.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM TURN FROM THE MIRROR AND WALK OVER TO THE WINDOW, SPEAKING OVER HIS SHOULDER, HIS VOICE LACED WITH HATE AND CONTEMPT…
“She was nothing but a nagging teetotaler. I don’t miss her standing up there on her self-righteous little soapbox, calling me a drunk, a lush, a souse. I finally have peace without her flapping mouth.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM THROW BACK PART OF THE DRINK, THEN CONTINUE SPEAKING, HIS TONE HARSH…
“Stop bragging just because you were right about one thing. Big deal! Yes, it’s true, I miss the kids. I miss them every minute of the day. They mean everything to me.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM AS HE TURNS WITH SURPRISING SPEED GIVEN HIS DRUNKEN STATE TO RETURN TO THE MIRROR.
SCENE SHOWS HIM SUDDENLY DRAW BACK HIS HAND AND THEN HIT THE WALL SO HARD THAT THE CRACK OF BONES IS DISTINCTLY HEARD AS HIS WORDS COME OUT IN A SHOUT OF ABSOLUTE RAGE AND AS HE DRAWS BACK HIS HAND THERE IS BLOOD ON THE WALL…
“She won’t even let me see them…says I have to sober up and stop the guzzling! [CHANGED PERIOD TO EXCLAMATION POINT FOR EMPHASIS AND WEIGHT.]”
SCENE SHOWS HIM CLUTCH HIS NOW INJURED HAND TO HIS CHEST AS HIS WORDS BECOME FILLED WITH HARSH VINDICTIVENESS…
“Who made HER[ALL CAPS TO SHOW THAT THIS WORD IS STRESSED AND EMPHASIZED.] God? How DARE[ALL CAPS TO SHOW THAT THIS WORD IS STRESSED AND EMPHASIZED.] she![CHANGED PERIOD TO EXCLAMATION POINT FOR EMPHASIS AND WEIGHT.] I’ll show the arrogant little know-it-all sow! I’m going to take her to court! I’ll sue the pants off her…and get my kids back to boot!”
SCENE SHOWS AS HIS BODY SUDDENLY SLUMPS AND HE PLACES HIS HANDS ON EITHER SIDE OF THE MIRROR AND LAYS HIS FOREHEAD AGAINST IT, HIS VOICE NOW COMING IN A PAIN CHOKED WHISPER THAT HOLDS JUST THE SLIGHTEST TRACE OF TEARS,
“God I miss my son and my daughter. They’re at the age now when they need their dad.”
SCENE SHOWS AS HE STANDS THERE FOR A FEW MOMENTS, HIS SHOULDERS VISIBLY SHAKING, ALL TOO PLAINLY WEEPING.
SCENE SHOWS AS HIS HEAD JERKS UP TO LOOK ONCE MORE INTO THE MIRROR, A LOOK OF ABSOLUTE FURY ON HIS FACE AND IN HIS VOICE…
“Lose? Did you just say I would lose if I took her to court? You don’t know what you are talking about! Judges know how important both parents are in their kid’s lives. They need a male influence too, you know.”
SCENE SHOWS AS HE POURS ANOTHER DRINK, HIS MOVEMENTS A LITTLE AWKWARD DUE TO THE SWELLING THAT HAS BEGUN TO SHOW IN THE HAND HE SLAMMED INTO THE WALL.
SCENE SHOWS HIM HOLDING THE BOTTLE UP TO THE LIGHT AND LOOKING AT THE SMALL REMAINING AMOUNT WITH A LOOK OF DISGUST.
SCENE SHOWS HIM PUT THE BOTTLE TO HIS MOUTH, TILT HIS HEAD BACK AND DRAIN THE BOTTLE, THEN TOSS IT IN THE TUB AND THERE IS THE SOUND OF SHATTERING GLASS.
SCENE SHOWS HIM OPEN THE DOOR TO A SMALL CUPBOARD AND PULL OUT A NEW BOTTLE.
SCENE SHOWS HIM TURN BACK TO MIRROR AS HE SPEAKS., HIS TONE BITTER WITH ANGER AND HATRED..
“I know she fills their heads with lies about me…about who I am…trying to turn them against me.[CHANGED COMMA BETWEEN “ME” AND “ABOUT” TO ELLIPSES FOR DRAMA AND EMOTIONAL IMPACT AND WEIGHT.] If the judge knew, he would make a few fast changes. I’d like to see her face after that![CHANGED PERIOD TO EXCLAMATION POINT FOR EMPHASIS AND WEIGHT.] ”
SCENE SHOWS AS HE WALKS OVER TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW AND A SIREN IS HEARD IN THE DISTANCE, ALONG WITH THE OCCASIONAL CAR HORN.
SCENE SHOWS HIM SPEAKING WITH HIS BACK TO THE ROOM IN A TONE OF AGGRAVATED FRUSTRATION…
“I know, I know, I don’t have a job right now. I can get one, no sweat. Give me a break, why don’t you? Just don’t worry about it, alright? God, you ride me more than Sue ever did![CHANGED PERIOD TO EXCLAMATION POINT FOR EMPHASIS AND WEIGHT.] ”
SCENE SHOWS HIM PAUSE TO TAKE A SWALLOW OF HIS DRINK, THEN HE CONTINUES IN A TONE OF SELF RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION…
“Besides, they shouldn’t have fired me just because of two DWI’s, right?” After all, it was none of their business in the first place![CHANGED PERIOD TO EXCLAMATION POINT FOR EMPHASIS AND WEIGHT.] ”
SCENE SHOWS HIM TURN AND WALK BACK TO FACE THE MIRROR.
SCENE SHOWS HIM SET THE GLASS ON THE COMMODE TANK AND THEN PLACE BOTH HANDS ON THE SINK AS HE LEANS FOREWARD, NEARLY TOUCHING THE MIRROR WITH HIS NOSE AS HE CONTINUES, HIS VOICE NOW SHOWING DEFINITE TRACES OF HIS FORMER RAGE….
“I did my job and a damn good worker I was too![CHANGED PERIOD TO EXCLAMATION POINT FOR EMPHASIS AND WEIGHT.] I paid my tickets. Besides, the cop had it in for me. He stopped me the second time for no reason. I should have him fired.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM FINISH HIS DRINK AND POUR ANOTHER, HIS HANDS VISIBLY UNSTEADY NOW AND HIS BODY WEAVING A LITTLE AS THE ALCOHOL BEGINS TO TAKE EFFECT. HIS TONE IS BELIGERANT WHEN HE ONCE MORE SPEAKS…
“Oh, I knew you would have a comment to make about my doctors visit yesterday, you just couldn’t resist the chance for another dig. I already told you everything. She thinks I have a drinking problem. Come on! She doesn’t know what she is talking about. She predicted liver damage if I don’t stop drinking. Can you believe she even used the word pickled?”
SCENE SHOWS HIM GRIP THE SINK AND LEAN FOREWARD, HIS TONE NOW LOW AND FILLED WITH LOATHING AND CONTEMPT AS HE GAZES INTO HIS OWN EYES…
“Well, it’s HER[ALL CAPS TO SHOW THAT THIS WORD IS STRESSED AND EMPHASIZED.] brain that isn’t working right. She sits in her high mucky-muck office seeing patients. She doesn’t know what the real world is all about. She should follow me for a few days. She would learn real fast what REAL[ALL CAPS TO SHOW THAT THIS WORD IS STRESSED AND EMPHASIZED.] people deal with. She’s a crappy doctor anyway. I need to look around for another one.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM TURN FROM THE MIRROR AND BEGIN TO PACE IN AGITATION, HIS VOICE GROWING MORE AND MORE INDIGNANT AND ENRAGED WITH EACH WORD HE SPEAKS…
“I am so sick of everyone telling me I used to be someone else. I am me, ME, the exact same person I always was. It’s all of them who have turned on me, who have changed.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM PAUSE ONCE MORE IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR, HIS HANDS CLENCHED AT HIS SIDES SO HARD THAT THE ONE HE INJURED BEGINS TO SEEP BLOOD AS HIS REFLECTION SHOWS EYES FILLED WITH A FRUSTRATED ALMOST MANIC RAGE, WHICH IS REFLECTED IN HIS VOICE AS HE SPEAKS…
“And YOU, you are the worst. Every stinkin’ day you mock me. I get up in the morning and when I look at you all I see is that glaring counterfeit image. It’s not the real me I see. You don’t even know how to do your job anymore. You have turned on me too. You’re so full of yourself, all that shine and gloss. I’m not good enough for you, am I? You used to be my friend. You aren’t anymore. I’ll fix you right now! What do you think of this?!?”
SCENE SHOWS SHOWS HIS FACE CONTORTED IN FURY AS HE DRAWS BACK HIS ALREADY INJURED FIST AND PLUNGES IT IN SLOW MOTION RIGHT INTO THE CENTER OF THE MIRROR.
SCENE SHOWS SOUND OF SHATTERING GLASS AND FOLLOWS THE SLOW MOTION DESCENT OF THE PIECES AS THEY DRIFT TO THE SINK AND FLOOR.
SCENE RESUMES NORMAL SPEED AS IT SHOWS HIM LOOKING DOWN AT HIS NOW HEAVILY LACERATED HAND IN DISBELIEVING SHOCK AS HE SPEAKS IN A HARSH WHISPER…
“My hand,, what did I do-what have I done?”
SCENE SHOWS HIM DROP TO HIS KNEES AND PICK UP ONE OF THE LARGER SHARDS OF GLASS, HOLDING IT IN BOTH HANDS.
SCENE SHOWS HIM CLOSE HIS HANDS SO TIGHTLY AROUND THE SHARD THAT BLOOD BEGINS TO FLOW DOWN HIS WRIST.
SCENE SHOWS HIM LOOK DOWN AT HIS BLEEDING HANDS, TEARS IN BOTH HIS EYES AND HIS VOICE, WHICH COMES OUT IN A HARSH WHISPER OF GRIEF AND LOSS…
“Oh God, I broke and shattered you…my friend…my only friend!”
SCENE BEGINS TO FADE AS IT FOLLOWS A SINGLE DROP OF BLOOD AS IT FALLS FROM HIS HANDS TO LAND ON ONE OF THE REFLECTIONS OF HIS OWN PERSONAL HELL AND HIS TORMENTED SCREAM IS HEARD AS THE SCENE FADES TO BLACK.
[CHAR…WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT, TWO AND A HALF HOURS WHEN THE WORDS HELD ME CAPTIVATED, UNABLE TO BREAK FREE…AND ALL BECAUSE OF A COMMENT MADE BY KAY CAMDEN ABOUT YOUR STORY MAKING A GOOD PLAY. HE WAS RIGHT, IT WOULD, AS I THINK YOU WILL AGREE FROM MY LITTLE “FLIGHT FROM REALITY” THAT RESULTED IN THE ABOVE SCRIPT. I CAN ONLY PRAY YOU WILL FORGIVE ME FOR “KIDNAPPING” YOUR WONDERFUL STORY. BELIEVE ME, I WAS NOT SEEKING TO REWRITE IT, FOR IT IS HARD TO IMPROVE ON NEAR PERFECTION. I CAN ONLY OFFER IN MY DEFENSE THE FACT THAT KAY’S WORDS “SPOKE” TO ME, AND I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO LISTEN.
I SINCERELY HOPE YOU WILL ENJOY MY LITTLE GIFT TO YOU.]
MARANTHA JENELLE
Hi Marantha – I am just getting in from work and what a treat this is. I just love how you set it up and made it so real. It is indeed a wonderful gift to me form you!
Wow – your mind really works fast. I am IMPRESSED! Everything becomes so real with the descriptive scenes and small changes.
I am so glad Kay Camden made that comment. Look where it took you. It’s great.
So, I guess we will have to plan to get together and sit in the audience the first time it is performed. LOL.
You made my night! Now I am off to slumberland. An early morning wake up tmrw and heading out of state for a convention. THANK YOU. I enjoyed every bit that you did.
you are so very welcome. rest well, and good luck tomorrow.
thinking you a huge cyber hug (my little avatar that i drew on the computer) for love, joy and peace.
marantha
char, here is the entire story, minus the notations in case you might want to copy and paste it to a file you can save for possible future ideas or use. it is my gift to you, no strings attached.
cyber hugs
marantha
—————————————————————————
Possible film short script based on Char Bisson’s “I USED TO BE SOMEONE ELSE”
[CHAR…I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF ADDING SOME OF THE WORDS TO FIT THE SCRIPT. I SINCERELY HOPE THAT YOU WON’T MIND! THIS IS JUST SORT OF A “WHAT IF” EXERCISE, BASED ON SOMETHING SAID BY KAY CAMDEN, ONE OF THE OTHER COMMENTERS, THAT SET MY SOMEWHAT WEIRD, WONKY, DEFINITELY WORDY LITTLE BRAIN TO WHIRLING, NOT AN ATTEMPT TO REWRITE YOUR VERY WONDERFUL STORY. MARANTHA JENELLE]
SCENE OPENS ON HEAVY SET MAN IN RUMPLED T-SHIRT AND SLACKS STANDING GAZING OUT A WINDOW IN WHAT IS PLAINLY A DIMLY LIT RESTROOM.
THE WALLS ARE COVERED IN PLASTER PATCHES AND ARE HEAVILY STAINED WITH MOLD, SHOWING THAT THE PLACE HE IS IN IS IN BAD REPAIR, SLUM-LIKE.
A SINGLE BARE LIGHT BULB DANGLES ON A CORD FROM THE LOW CEILING.
WEIRD SHADOWS ARE CAST ON THE FADED, DINGY WALLS AS THE NEON SIGN OUTSIDE THE WINDOW FLASHES IN LURID REDS, YELLOWS AND BLUES, OUTLINING HIS FORM IN AN EERIE SLIGHTLY SICK PARODY OF A RAINBOW EACH TIME THEY FLASH.
HIS VOICE IS HEARD, ROUGH, SLURRED, ALL TOO PLAINLY DRUNK…
“You know, I’ve had it with your ranting and raving. All you ever do is attack and chide.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM TURN FROM THE WINDOW AND WALK OVER TO GLARE INTO A BATHROOM MIRROR.
SCENE SHOWS HIM PLACE BOTH HANDS ON THE SIDES OF THE MIRROR AS HE LEANS FORWARD, HIS REFLECTION CLEARLY SHOWING THAT HE HAS BEEN THE SLAVE OF ALCOHOL FOR QUITE SOME TIME AS HE CONTINUES SPEAKING, HIS VOICE BITTER WITH GROWING RAGE…
“You’re just a cheap piece of glass. You call yourself a mirror?”
SCENE SHOWS HIS FACE AS IT TAKES ON A LOOK OF SNEERING CONTEMPT…HIS VOICE IS THICK WITH SARCASM AS HE CONTINUES SPEAKING…
“Yeah, right! You don’t even know how to reflect!
SCENE SHOWS HIM APPEARING TO TRY TO SHAKE THE MIRROR, HIS KNUCKLES WHITE, CLEARLY SHOWING THE STRENGTH OF HIS GRIP AS HE CONTINUES SPEAKING, HIS VOICE RISING IN GROWING ANGER AND DENIAL…
“This isn’t how I really look!”
SCENE SHOWS HIM SUDDENLY SHOVE AWAY FROM THE MIRROR AND STAND THERE, STARING INTO IT, HIS HANDS FISTED AT HIS SIDES, HIS WORDS NOW SPOKEN IN A HARSH TONE OF ANGRY CONTEMPT…
“You’re a fake…worth nothing to me…NOTHING, DO YOU HEAR!!!”
SCENE SHOWS HIM WHIRL AND BEGIN TO PACE IN THE TINY SPACE, HIS HANDS STILL CLENCHED, HIS MOVEMENTS JERKY, AS IF HE IS TOO ENRAGED TO STAY STILL.
SCENE SHOWS HIM PAUSE IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR AGAIN AS HE GRIPS THE SIDES OF THE SINK AND LEANS INTO THE MIRROR A LITTLE, HIS FACE TWISTED IN ANGER, HIS VOICE IS TIGHT IN AN ATTEMPT TO SOUND UNCONCERNED AS HE CONTINUES SPEAKING…
“I can ignore you, you know…ignore the lies you tell me! I’m fed up with what you have to say. You scold me, tell me my eyes are bloodshot, my face is ravaged by too much crapulence, my skin is sallow and old from my hard life and all that booze.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM RELEASE HIS HOLD ON THE SINK AND REACH ONTO THE BACK OF THE COMMODE TO PICK UP A BOTTLE OF CHEAP ALCOHOL AND A FILTHY GLASS.
SCENE SHOWS HIM POUR THE GLASS ABOUT HALF FULL, THEN TURN TO FACE THE MIRROR AGAIN.
SCENE SHOWS HIS FACE TO BE NOW NEARLY TOTALLY DEVOID OF EMOTION AS HE LEANS BACK AGAINST THE WALL DIRECTLY OPPOSITE THE MIRROR, ONE ARM CROSSED OVER HIS CHEST WHILE LOOKING DOWN INTO HIS DRINK AS HE SWIRLS IT AND SPEAKS IN A TONE OF ASSUMED CALM AND REASON…
“I don’t have to listen to you, you know. I can brush you off with just one look…eyes facing down.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM PUSH AWAY FROM THE WALL TO ONCE MORE GRIP THE SIDES OF THE SINK, THE HAND HOLDING THE GLASS SHAKING A LITTLE BIT AS HIS VOICE ONCE MORE SHOWS THE EMOTIONAL MAELSTROM THAT IS ALL TOO PLAINLY RUNNING THROUGH HIM…
“You just remember that! So don’t EVEN start with me!”
SCENE SHOWS HIM TOSS BACK THE DRINK THEN POUR ANOTHER ONE.
SCENE SHOWS HIM JERK HIS GAZE BACK TO THE MIRROR, HIS EYES NARROWING IN ANGER AS HE SPEAKS IN A VOICE THAT IS VERY NEARLY A SHOUT ON THE FIRST WORD…
“WHAT?!? Did you just say I can’t live without you? Who are you kidding? You told me the same thing last year when Sue took the kids and left. You said I wouldn’t make it. You said I would fall apart without her.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM TURN FROM THE MIRROR AND WALK OVER TO THE WINDOW, SPEAKING OVER HIS SHOULDER, HIS VOICE LACED WITH HATE AND CONTEMPT…
“She was nothing but a nagging teetotaler. I don’t miss her standing up there on her self-righteous little soapbox, calling me a drunk, a lush, a souse. I finally have peace without her flapping mouth.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM THROW BACK PART OF THE DRINK, THEN CONTINUE SPEAKING, HIS TONE HARSH…
“Stop bragging just because you were right about one thing. Big deal! Yes, it’s true, I miss the kids. I miss them every minute of the day. They mean everything to me.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM AS HE TURNS WITH SURPRISING SPEED GIVEN HIS DRUNKEN STATE TO RETURN TO THE MIRROR.
SCENE SHOWS HIM SUDDENLY DRAW BACK HIS HAND AND THEN HIT THE WALL SO HARD THAT THE CRACK OF BONES IS DISTINCTLY HEARD AS HIS WORDS COME OUT IN A SHOUT OF ABSOLUTE RAGE AND AS HE DRAWS BACK HIS HAND THERE IS BLOOD ON THE WALL…
“She won’t even let me see them…says I have to sober up and stop the guzzling!”
SCENE SHOWS HIM CLUTCH HIS NOW INJURED HAND TO HIS CHEST AS HIS WORDS BECOME FILLED WITH HARSH VINDICTIVENESS…
“Who made HER God? How DARE she! I’ll show the arrogant little know-it-all sow! I’m going to take her to court! I’ll sue the pants off her…and get my kids back to boot!”
SCENE SHOWS AS HIS BODY SUDDENLY SLUMPS AND HE PLACES HIS HANDS ON EITHER SIDE OF THE MIRROR AND LAYS HIS FOREHEAD AGAINST IT, HIS VOICE NOW COMING IN A PAIN CHOKED WHISPER THAT HOLDS JUST THE SLIGHTEST TRACE OF TEARS,
“God I miss my son and my daughter. They’re at the age now when they need their dad.”
SCENE SHOWS AS HE STANDS THERE FOR A FEW MOMENTS, HIS SHOULDERS VISIBLY SHAKING, ALL TOO PLAINLY WEEPING.
SCENE SHOWS AS HIS HEAD JERKS UP TO LOOK ONCE MORE INTO THE MIRROR, A LOOK OF ABSOLUTE FURY ON HIS FACE AND IN HIS VOICE…
“Lose? Did you just say I would lose if I took her to court? You don’t know what you are talking about! Judges know how important both parents are in their kid’s lives. They need a male influence too, you know.”
SCENE SHOWS AS HE POURS ANOTHER DRINK, HIS MOVEMENTS A LITTLE AWKWARD DUE TO THE SWELLING THAT HAS BEGUN TO SHOW IN THE HAND HE SLAMMED INTO THE WALL.
SCENE SHOWS HIM HOLDING THE BOTTLE UP TO THE LIGHT AND LOOKING AT THE SMALL REMAINING AMOUNT WITH A LOOK OF DISGUST.
SCENE SHOWS HIM PUT THE BOTTLE TO HIS MOUTH, TILT HIS HEAD BACK AND DRAIN THE BOTTLE, THEN TOSS IT IN THE TUB AND THERE IS THE SOUND OF SHATTERING GLASS.
SCENE SHOWS HIM OPEN THE DOOR TO A SMALL CUPBOARD AND PULL OUT A NEW BOTTLE.
SCENE SHOWS HIM TURN BACK TO MIRROR AS HE SPEAKS., HIS TONE BITTER WITH ANGER AND HATRED..
“I know she fills their heads with lies about me…about who I am…trying to turn them against me. If the judge knew, he would make a few fast changes. I’d like to see her face after that!”
SCENE SHOWS AS HE WALKS OVER TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW AND A SIREN IS HEARD IN THE DISTANCE, ALONG WITH THE OCCASIONAL CAR HORN.
SCENE SHOWS HIM SPEAKING WITH HIS BACK TO THE ROOM IN A TONE OF AGGRAVATED FRUSTRATION…
“I know, I know, I don’t have a job right now. I can get one, no sweat. Give me a break, why don’t you? Just don’t worry about it, alright? God, you ride me more than Sue ever did!”
SCENE SHOWS HIM PAUSE TO TAKE A SWALLOW OF HIS DRINK, THEN HE CONTINUES IN A TONE OF SELF RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION…
“Besides, they shouldn’t have fired me just because of two DWI’s, right?” After all, it was none of their business in the first place!”
SCENE SHOWS HIM TURN AND WALK BACK TO FACE THE MIRROR.
SCENE SHOWS HIM SET THE GLASS ON THE COMMODE TANK AND THEN PLACE BOTH HANDS ON THE SINK AS HE LEANS FOREWARD, NEARLY TOUCHING THE MIRROR WITH HIS NOSE AS HE CONTINUES, HIS VOICE NOW SHOWING DEFINITE TRACES OF HIS FORMER RAGE….
“I did my job and a damn good worker I was too! I paid my tickets. Besides, the cop had it in for me. He stopped me the second time for no reason. I should have him fired.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM FINISH HIS DRINK AND POUR ANOTHER, HIS HANDS VISIBLY UNDSTEADY NOW AND HIS BODY WEAVING A LITTLE AS THE ALCOHOL BEGINS TO TAKE EFFECT. HIS TONE IS BELIGERANT WHEN HE ONCE MORE SPEAKS…
“Oh, I knew you would have a comment to make about my doctors visit yesterday, you just couldn’t resist the chance for another dig. I already told you everything. She thinks I have a drinking problem. Come on! She doesn’t know what she is talking about. She predicted liver damage if I don’t stop drinking. Can you believe she even used the word pickled?”
SCENE SHOWS HIM GRIP THE SINK AND LEAN FOREWARD, HIS TONE NOW LOW AND FILLED WITH LOATHING AND CONTEMPT AS HE GAZES INTO HIS OWN EYES…
“Well, it’s HER brain that isn’t working right. She sits in her high mucky-muck office seeing patients. She doesn’t know what the real world is all about. She should follow me for a few days. She would learn real fast what REAL people deal with. She’s a crappy doctor anyway. I need to look around for another one.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM TURN FROM THE MIRROR AND BEGIN TO PACE IN AGITATION, HIS VOICE GROWING MORE AND MORE INDIGNANT AND ENRAGED WITH EACH WORD HE SPEAKS…
“I am so sick of everyone telling me I used to be someone else. I am me, ME, the exact same person I always was. It’s all of them who have turned on me, who have changed.”
SCENE SHOWS HIM PAUSE ONCE MORE IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR, HIS HANDS CLENCHED AT HIS SIDES SO HARD THAT THE ONE HE INJURED BEGINS TO SEEP BLOOD AS HIS REFLECTION SHOWS EYES FILLED WITH A FRUSTRATED ALMOST MANIC RAGE, WHICH IS REFLECTED IN HIS VOICE AS HE SPEAKS…
“And YOU, you are the worst. Every stinkin’ day you mock me. I get up in the morning and when I look at you all I see is that glaring counterfeit image. It’s not the real me I see. You don’t even know how to do your job anymore. You have turned on me too. You’re so full of yourself, all that shine and gloss. I’m not good enough for you, am I? You used to be my friend. You aren’t anymore. I’ll fix you right now! What do you think of this?!?”
SCENE SHOWS SHOWS HIS FACE CONTORTED IN FURY AS HE DRAWS BACK HIS ALREADY INJURED FIST AND PLUNGES IT IN SLOW MOTION RIGHT INTO THE CENTER OF THE MIRROR.
SCENE SHOWS SOUND OF SHATTERING GLASS AND FOLLOWS THE SLOW MOTION DESCENT OF THE PIECES AS THEY DRIFT TO THE SINK AND FLOOR.
SCENE RESUMES NORMAL SPEED AS IT SHOWS HIM LOOKING DOWN AT HIS NOW HEAVILY LACERATED HAND IN DISBELIEVING SHOCK AS HE SPEAKS IN A HARSH WHISPER…
“My hand,, what did I do-what have I done?”
SCENE SHOWS HIM DROP TO HIS KNEES AND PICK UP ONE OF THE LARGER SHARDS OF GLASS, HOLDING IT IN BOTH HANDS.
SCENE SHOWS HIM CLOSE HIS HANDS SO TIGHTLY AROUND THE SHARD THAT BLOOD BEGINS TO FLOW DOWN HIS WRIST.
SCENE SHOWS HIM LOOK DOWN AT HIS BLEEDING HANDS, TEARS IN BOTH HIS EYES AND HIS VOICE, WHICH COMES OUT IN A HARSH WHISPER OF GRIEF AND LOSS…
“Oh God, I broke and shattered you…my friend…my only friend!”
SCENE BEGINS TO FADE AS IT FOLLOWS A SINGLE DROP OF BLOOD AS IT FALLS FROM HIS HANDS TO LAND ON ONE OF THE REFLECTIONS OF HIS OWN PERSONAL HELL AND HIS TORMENTED SCREAM IS HEARD AS THE SCENE FADES TO BLACK.
[CHAR…WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT, TWO AND A HALF HOURS WHEN THE WORDS HELD ME CAPTIVATED, UNABLE TO BREAK FREE…AND ALL BECAUSE OF A COMMENT MADE BY KAY CAMDEN ABOUT YOUR STORY MAKING A GOOD PLAY. HE WAS RIGHT, IT WOULD, AS I THINK YOU WILL AGREE FROM MY LITTLE “FLIGHT FROM REALITY” THAT RESULTED IN THE ABOVE SCRIPT. I CAN ONLY PRAY YOU WILL FORGIVE ME FOR “KIDNAPPING” YOUR WONDERFUL STORY. BELIEVE ME, I WAS NOT SEEKING TO REWRITE IT, FOR IT IS HARD TO IMPROVE ON NEAR PERFECTION. I CAN ONLY OFFER IN MY DEFENSE THE FACT THAT KAY’S WORDS “SPOKE” TO ME, AND I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO LISTEN.
I SINCERELY HOPE YOU WILL ENJOY MY LITTLE GIFT TO YOU.]
MARANTHA JENELLE
[…] Char […]
Thought I best come check the kid out. If Indigo Spider likes the kid, she must be something special. Sorry I have not gotten here sooner. Good ‘shtufffs’ you.
We are ‘our own worst critic’, on the hand ‘change comes from within’. Written with a slash, an jab and hair pulling style. Puts me to mind of ‘Jagged Little Pill’ by song writer Alanis Morissette.
Thank you, Hudson, for visiting and also for subscribing. And I am soon to be off to find the Alanis Morissette “Jagged Little Pill” CD. My daughter said she loved the whole album when she was at a certain place in her life and said I should find it and listen to every song. So, my homework is to do just that, really listen to it, and see how it can seep into me and give me courage to be me and write.
With folks like you and Marita and all the wonderful others who encourage me and hold my hand….it just might happen.
I love your Plum Creek blog site, and am also putting you on my blog roll.
Thank you!
So powerful!
Thank you, Sonia, for visiting and commenting.
There is power behind addiction but many do overcome it. Such a battle we see around us, sometimes.
Excellent! You drew me right into the conflict and I could feel the inner rage, the frustration, and that feeling of being trapped. Gotta love the excuses … upon excuses … upon excuses … The spiral life of an addict@
It is a spiraling life, isn’t it! Interesting you used the word trapped. I hadn’t thought of that and you are so right. He was so trapped in his life.
Thank you for taking the time to visit and comment.
floored.
so real.
Thank you, Evelyn!
[…] Char […]