BeKindRewrite’s InMonXIII prompts this week were all so good. I wish I had time to write for each of them. I have veered from my regular story writing to attempt a Tanka poem. I have written only a few but I like the form. I chose the prompt “I (she) Never Breathed”.
She Never Breathed
She could feel his stare
He moved slowly toward her
And she toward him
She never breathed; he approached
Walking past her to his wife
Oh man, how sad. So much emotion in so few words.
Unrequieted love, longing, loss, despair, dejection…all conveyed in a few short sentences.
I didn’t just like it, I loved it!
Not just good job…
GREAT JOB!
marantha
Thank you for your comments. I really like Tonka and also Haiku. I am so new to it. You should read some of the Tankas some of them write. It is so beautiful.
Yes, this was a great job! What a disappointment that would be.
A disappointment, yes, but, hopefully soon forgotten…until the next time. Haha
Thanks, Sandy! Enjoy your comments, always.
Aching. That’s all that came to mind, it just makes you ache — for her, like her, remembering moments in time like that. Well done, another piece to tuck away in the “reread often” pile!
Thanks, Marita! I really would like to get into this more. I am not a natural with poetry even though I love it. These give me parameters which I desparately need.
Fantastic example of “show don’t tell.”
Thanks, Stephanie. Your comment has me thinking, which is always a good thing!
[…] Char […]
Nice work!
Thanks, Patti. Nice of you to comment! Thank you for visiting!
OUCH! Ha! Been there … Well said! lol
LOL – haven’t most of us! Thanks for visiting and commenting!
Very nice – succinct, vivid and surprising, everything Tanka should be! 🙂
Thank you for visiting and commenting. I appreciate it and hope to try a few more as time goes by.
aint that always the way?
sheesh. lol
You’ve got that right! LOL.